My Bonus Princess....

I never wanted you here. You simply were never part of the plan. Growing up and dreaming of my family I thought I wouldnt ever have to include you and I am sure you didnt want this as your future plans as well.   I didn’t want help from another woman to raise my child and I know you dont want help to raise yours as well.  The plan was for my family to include me, daddy and our children, not you the mother or Josh raising my kids.  I doubt you ever wanted me in your life as much as I felt the same about you. I doubt you planned to have me mother your child that you gave birth to. I can bet that your plan for your family included you, him and your children together, not me or my kids. I can almost bet that when you dreamed of becoming a mother it would be the day you gave birth and living happy ever after as you three developing memories to last a lifetime.  I’m pretty sure you never planned on me being here. Well it wasnt my plan as well, see, I am in the same shoes as you! Its not easy mothering someone elses child, like wise its hard to watch someone mother mine as well.

But God had plans that far that exceeded our own expectations and when my little family dissolved to form two families I knew you would be coming into the picture.

In my mind you would be a terrible beast and your daughter would not want me to mother her at all, EVER! I was hoping that you would be semi unattractive and prayed your daughter wouldn’t look up to you. Her daddy would know that he was settling for second best of course and she would come first in his eyes.  As much as I wanted the devil to come out in me because I never wanted to face the fact that another woman would mother would be in my future or even in my absence.

Guess what, you have arrived.

Meeting you,  I’ll admit you weren’t what I had in mind and all sorts of emotions ran through my mind. How was I going to compete with you? How am I going to raise your daughter by YOUR expectations?. You were supposed to be hideous, and I wanted to hate you, remember? But you weren’t, you were stunningly beautiful. Why? Because you are the mother of this precious little girl that I hope that you will allow in your heart, let me nurture her while she is in our care. You were supposed to be a mean old hag, remember? And at times I do think you do because I like too give my advice on how to raise her! We come from two different backgrounds, and we both know I already mother two babies of my own! So my motherly instincts always have to jump in before my head has time to wrap around your rath. But you are a smart woman full of knowledge! And I hope this precious little girl grows up to be just like you!

As I learned more and more about you my plans have been unfolded!!

I realized by the look on your face that meeting me was just as hard as it was for me to meet you. My heart immediately crushed to a million pieces.  Now, dang it, I was planing on really hating you. Why are you ruining my future plans?

See, my all intentions was to really hate you, but I began to thank you!! See, even though you and my future husband have a past which how this beautiful little girl had the chance to walk into my life, I found more and more reasons to thank you!!!

I have accepted your daughter from the very start and have unconditionally loved both her and her daddy, and that is beyond any blessing.  You’ve left me include your daughter in everything we do and make her feel loved and accepted and like a little princess she deserves. I will always put her relationship with her daddy above ours and only a courageous woman knows how difficult that could be raising another plus two others that are not her daddy's!

I knew when her daddy and I decided that our lives were meant to be together there would be times when she would need me, as a mommy, and I would always be there for her. I want you to know that as when you are absent from her while she is in my care that I am grateful that you have mercy on me during her and never reject me as to replacing you.  She needs a mommy at your house and you’ve done an amazing job being that for her but I also want to provide her with the same while she is here with us as well.

You’ve respected my position as mom from the very start. We havent always had the best at communication when you question if I am  making the right decisions for her and with her. I know our situation is rare but yet not so rare in this day and age. It’s hard for a mom and future stepmom to text each other to remind each other that they love and respect each other. And some day, I only hope we can gain this relationship!

Because of you and your courage to mother your daughter the way that you do, she will be a better woman. She will grow up with more love than we could have ever imagined with having two wonderful families loving her. It wasn’t her choice to have parents who have separate homes and even though I wouldn’t wish that on any child because my children have to go through same thing and its not easy and I get full worries and emotions with them as well. So, I am thankful that she now has 4 parents who love and respect her and I hope some day with each other. She’s compassionate because of this life we are molding  her into and understands that a failure in one area can turn into a blessing in another.

I am not here to be a fill in for when you are not here. You are her mother when she’s with you and when she’s with me. She’s excited to brag about you and tell me her stories when she’s with you at your house and that makes my heart want to crumble to a million pieces. I fill with pride each time we reunite and want to wrap my arms around her and squeeze her with a loving hug each time we see each other.

I am extremely aware of what it looks like when a mother cannot emotionally accept her childs stepmother in their life because i see it every other weekend when I have to let me two babies go off to have the bond with their dad and his significant other. I just want to do what is best for her in our home but also show my modesty that is best fitting in your heart. All I ask is we continue to co-parent to the best of our abilities to make sure she is getting the loving kindness she deserves and that she feels safe with out a single worry

I promise to always respect your input for your daughter. I promise to never lessen the position you hold in her life or make you feel like you are not her mother. I promise to raise her to be grateful to have two strong and brave women in her life that have the courage to mother her together. Even though our situation is not always peaceful I pray that she is never in it, but if she ever finds herself here I promise to set an example for her of what co-parenting should look like.

May we continue to have courage, patience, humility, and thick skin to truly get along!

From your home to mine,

Amber Davis

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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